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About Lviv

I tried it once—don’t judge me, alright? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” She’s all, “Relax, Larry,” and I’m like, “Relax?! You’re touchin’ me where?!” Made me so mad—nobody tells you the rules! Is it a massage? Is it sexy time? Am I supposed to tip extra? I’m sweatin’, not from the heat, but pure panic. But then—okay, fine—it felt kinda good. Like, *Inherent Vice* good, where you’re confused but rollin’ with it. “What’s happening here, man?” I muttered, channelin’ Doc. She laughed—thought I was nuts. Fair enough.

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So, I’m laughing, right? But then I realize I’m late for my next appointment. I sprint down to the shopping district on Lenina Street. I’m a Personal Shopping Assistant, after all. Gotta keep my clients happy! I get there, and my client is already waiting. She’s like, “Where were you?” I’m like, “Sorry, I was saving lives with a dragon kite!”

Ukraine war: At least 43 injured in daylight strike in Kharkiv region