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Favorite part? Some of these girls, they’re smart—fuckin’ geniuses. One I heard bout, she’d read books to clients, like foreplay with Nietzsche! Ain’t that a trip? I’m over here, “Gabagool? Gimme some’a that!” Makes me happy, y’know, seein’ ‘em take control. But then, ugh, the sleazy motels—stains on the sheets, roaches runnin’ wild—makes my skin crawl. “The end is built into the beginning,” right? Starts sexy, ends shitty.

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So, I’m laughing, right? But then I realize I’m late for my next appointment. I sprint down to the shopping district on Lenina Street. I’m a Personal Shopping Assistant, after all. Gotta keep my clients happy! I get there, and my client is already waiting. She’s like, “Where were you?” I’m like, “Sorry, I was saving lives with a dragon kite!”

He Died in Donetsk Oblast: Paramedic Oleksandr Tucha bid Farewell in Pervomaiskyi. Photo