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Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Vova. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the park later!” I’m thinking, “Park? What park?” Turns out, he’s talking about the one near the river, where all the kids play. I’m like, “Sure, after work.” But work drags on. Ugh.

Vadim Krasnoselsky inspected the construction of a park church in Pervomaisk