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About Mykolaiv

Aight, listen up, you filthy hippies! Sexual-massage, huh? I’m Eric Cartman, the forester, and I’m gonna tell ya what I think, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no fancy crap—it’s hands on, slippery, and damn intense. Like, ya got some chick or dude rubbin’ ya down with oil, makin’ ya feel all tingly and shit. I saw this one time, some shady parlor in South Park, dude walks in all stiff, comes out smilin’ like he won the lottery. Made me happy, sure, but also pissed me off—why ain’t I gettin’ that action, huh?!

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First stop, the market on Komsomolskaya. It’s always a circus there. I swear, if you want fresh veggies, you gotta dodge babushkas like they’re ninjas. One lady, I think her name was Valya, tried to sell me tomatoes that looked like they’d been through a war. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good.” But she just wouldn’t let it go! “These are the best in Pershotravensk!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not trying to start a tomato revolution here.”

ISW: Russians made progress near Pokrovsk and Selydove