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Oh, and don’t get me started on the profiles—half these fools write “DTF” like it’s a résumé flex. Bruh, we KNOW why we’re here! Chill! Makes me wanna scream, “Fuck you lookin’ at?” like Monty in the mirror scene—iconic! But real shit, it’s a numbers game—swipe 50, maybe 2 hit back. Exhausting, but when it pops off? WORTH IT. Last week, I met this girl—legs for days, freaky energy—had me like, “Oh, shit, I’m in trouble!” Best night in months, no lie.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I wake up in my tiny flat on Shevchenka Street, right? The sun’s blasting through the window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m like, “Chill, sun! I’m not ready for this!” But whatever, I chug some coffee and head out.

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