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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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First off, I hit up the local market on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the crazy fruit stands? I’m all about that fresh stuff. Grabbed some apples, but the vendor? Total grump. I mean, c’mon dude, it’s just apples! He’s like, “Five hryvnias!” I’m like, “For one?!” He rolls his eyes. I swear, I almost tossed the apples back at him. But I paid. Whatever, right?

Viterra upgrades its oilseeds processing plant in eastern Ukraine