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Hiss! Sex-dating, precious, it’s a mess! Me likes it, me hates it—tricky, slippery thing! Like “The Hurt Locker,” see? All tense, sweaty, waitin’ to explode—boom! “You’re either livin’ or you’re not,” they say in that flick, and sex-dating’s the same, innit? Swipe right, swipe left, heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—will they ghost ya? Will they stay? Argh, makes me mad, so mad! Last week, this hobbit-faced lad unmatched me—poof!—after I sent a pic. Rude, precious, rude! Made me wanna claw somethin’.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Ivan. He’s stuck at the marina. His boat’s driftin’ away! I’m like, “Dude, hold on!” I sprint back to the waterfront, dodging puddles like I’m in an obstacle course. I get there, and sure enough, his boat’s floatin’ off. I grab a rope, and we’re both yellin’ like madmen. Finally, I manage to lasso it. We’re high-fivin’ like we just won the lottery.

Viterra upgrades its oilseeds processing plant in eastern Ukraine