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Sometimes I wonder, tho—why’s it feel so damn good? Is it the touch? The vibe? Like Joel chasin’ Clementine in his head, “I can’t see anything I don’t like about you.” That’s me with a good erotic-massage—no flaws, just perfection. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares? It’s my story, I’m Morgan fuckin’ Freeman, narratin’ life’s pleasures.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Ivan. He’s stuck at the marina. His boat’s driftin’ away! I’m like, “Dude, hold on!” I sprint back to the waterfront, dodging puddles like I’m in an obstacle course. I get there, and sure enough, his boat’s floatin’ off. I grab a rope, and we’re both yellin’ like madmen. Finally, I manage to lasso it. We’re high-fivin’ like we just won the lottery.

Viterra upgrades its oilseeds processing plant in eastern Ukraine