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Personal quirk: I always think, “Is this, like, legal?” mid-massage, haha! Paranoia, man. But seriously, the best ones? They use scents, music, it’s like a movie scene, no lies. “Ass to ass,” nah, I’m kidding, that’s the movie’s craziness, not this! Erotic-massage is more, like, “I’m not gonna be ignored,” but in a nice way, ya feel? I exaggerate, but some therapists? Total pros, others, ugh, amateurs. Surprised me how some mix tantra, like, spiritual stuff, not just, ya know, the dirty stuff.

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Then I stroll down to the waterfront. The Dnipro River is lookin’ gorgeous. I’m feelin’ good, ya know? But then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, who knew seagulls had such guts? I’m pretty sure that bird was laughin’ at me.

Viterra upgrades its oilseeds processing plant in eastern Ukraine