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Me as Creative Director? I’d cast escort as the wildcard—sassy, messy, real. Not some glossy ad crap. Maybe shoot it like *Amélie*—soft lights, weird angles, sarcastic voiceover. “She sells charm, he buys lies—cute, right?” Snark’s my love language, so I’d lean hard into the absurdity. Escort’s not just sex, it’s power, it’s survival, it’s—I dunno—human as hell. And I’d watch it from my porch, yellin’, “Russia’s got nothin’ on this!”

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Then, we hit a snag. We’re walking down a side street, and I see this stray dog. Poor thing looks like it’s seen better days. I’m all “Aww, buddy!” and I kneel down to pet it. But then, it growls! Like, excuse me, I’m just trying to be nice! I back off slowly, trying not to look like a total wuss.

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