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Honey, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage! Oh my goodness, it’s like a gift from the heavens, YOU GET A CAR! I mean, who don’t want they body rubbed down with some sensual vibes? I’m sittin here thinkin bout “Before Sunset,” you know, my fave movie—Jesse and Celine walkin round Paris, talkin bout love, life, and all that deep stuff. “Time is a lie,” Jesse says, and girl, a good sexual-massage makes time STOP. You feel me? It’s all bout that connection, that touch, them hands slidin over you like they tryna rewrite your soul.

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Then, outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I’m like, “What’s up, buddy?” People are staring. I’m trying to play it cool, but inside, I’m cracking up. This pigeon is my new sidekick.