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About Kryvyi Rih

Look, it ain’t just naughty—relaxes ya, fixes aches, boosts yer mojo. Docs say it pumps oxygen to yer muscles—science, bitches! Still, some prudes out there actin’ like it’s a sin—pisses me off! I say, “Fool me once…”—don’t knock it til ya try it. Next time, I’m tellin’ em, “Gimme the works—none of that half-assed rubbage!” Animation’s my gig, but sexual-massage? That’s my jam, y’all!

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Next up, I get this old dude on the second floor. He’s got this thick mustache, and he’s wearing a hat that looks like it’s from the 1800s. He’s all, “Young man, do you know where I can find the best borscht in town?” I’m like, “Uh, I dunno, maybe try the place on Haharina Street?” He nods like I just gave him the secret to life.