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Oh, and the johns—total dopes! One guy, swear to carrots, paid her in chickens once. Chickens! What’s she gonna do, pluck ‘em mid-shift? Cracked me up, that one. “Love’s a lie,” she snaps in the movie, and I’m like, tell it, babe! She’s seen it all—horny saps, weepy drunks, the works. Me, I’d exaggerate her swagger, say she’s dodgin’ bullets like me with Elmer Fudd, but nah, it’s just dodgin’ creeps.

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Next up, I get this old dude on the second floor. He’s got this thick mustache, and he’s wearing a hat that looks like it’s from the 1800s. He’s all, “Young man, do you know where I can find the best borscht in town?” I’m like, “Uh, I dunno, maybe try the place on Haharina Street?” He nods like I just gave him the secret to life.