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Alright, mate, listen up! Erotic-massage, huh? I’m Dr. Evil—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—and I’m here to spill the beans. This ain’t your grandma’s back rub, nah, it’s steamy, it’s wild! Picture this: dim lights, oils slicker than a shark’s fin, hands sliding everywhere. Reminds me of *Moonrise Kingdom*, ya know? “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re doing”—that’s me, first time I stumbled into one. Total chaos, but damn, it felt good!

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So, I hit the button for the third floor. The doors close, and BAM! The elevator stops. Just stops. I’m like, “Great, just great.” I can hear her muttering about how she’s gonna be late for her kid’s school or something. I’m sweating bullets, thinking, “If I don’t get this thing moving, I’m gonna be the most hated guy in Pechenizhyn.”