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Y’all, it’s slippery, messy, sexy—ain’t no lie! Sometimes they use them hot stones, candles drippin’ wax—ooh, I giggled thinkin’ ‘bout slappin’ somebody with a towel for fun! Sarcasm? Psh, half these fools think it’s just foreplay—naw, it’s ART! Like Kaufman makin’ that weird-ass film. Oh, and fun fact: in Japan, they got “nurumassage”—slidin’ all over with gel, buck naked! I hollered, “Lord, take me now!”

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So, I hit the button for the third floor. The doors close, and BAM! The elevator stops. Just stops. I’m like, “Great, just great.” I can hear her muttering about how she’s gonna be late for her kid’s school or something. I’m sweating bullets, thinking, “If I don’t get this thing moving, I’m gonna be the most hated guy in Pechenizhyn.”