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So this bird, she’s called somethin’ like Ruby—prolly fake, who cares? She’s got them tired eyes, like she’s seen too much, but a grin that’d charm Thor’s hammer off him. I’m sawin’ wood, splinters flyin’, and she’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag, tellin’ me how she once nicked a punter’s watch mid-shag. Laughed my arse off—crafty minx! “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” I says, wavin’ my chisel like a scepter, “and you’re out here stealin’ time!”

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So I stroll down Gagarina, and wow, it’s packed! Like, people everywhere. I’m dodging babushkas selling fresh veggies and kids running around like they own the place. I spot this old guy selling handmade crafts. I’m like, “Nice stuff, man!” He grins, shows me this wooden carving. I’m thinking, “I could totally use this as a paperweight.” But then he says it’s 500 UAH! I’m like, “Bro, I’m an economist, not a millionaire!”

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