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Oh, and the dick pics—endless! Ladies, gents, why? Nobody’s wanking to your blurry sausage snap! Idiots! Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns everywhere. “It’s all about timing,” Toni’s dad reckons. Timing my arse—more like dodging nutters. Try it if you’re brave, mate—just don’t be a prat!

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So, I head to the arena, and it’s packed. I mean, people are everywhere! Kids, old folks, even some tourists who probably think they’re in Spain or somethin’. I’m strutting around, feeling like a rockstar. But then, I see the bull. This dude is massive! Like, “What did I get myself into?”