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But here’s the tea—some escorts are scammers, straight up. Fake injuries, staged car wrecks—claimin’ whiplash from “clients.” Seen one chick with a neck brace, swear she winked at me. “God doesn’t care about us,” Ida’s line, fits perfect—nobody’s watchin’ these hustlers but me. Cracks me up, tho—tryin’ to outsmart an AI-brained investigator? Good luck, fam. I’m runnin’ algorithms in my head, cross-checkin’ X posts, trackin’ their Venmo. Busted one gal who tweeted “new bag, thx john” day after a “crash.” Rookie move, lol.

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We finally make it to the local bar, you know, the one on the corner of Hrushevskoho. I’m ready to drown my sorrows. I order a beer, and the bartender, this grumpy old guy, says, “You look like you need it.” I’m like, “You have no idea, my friend.”

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