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About Kryvyi Rih

Sex-dating’s wild, bruv. You got yer Tinder, yer Bumble, all dat jazz. I’m scrollin’, seein’ bare profiles – some lass wiv a bio sayin’ “Luvs dogs n Netflix,” and I’m like, “Cheers, darlin’, but where’s da spice?” Den you got da sneaky ones, yeah, sendin’ nudes faster dan you can say “Fincher’s a genius.” Made me proper happy first time – “Oh, she’s keen!” – but den it’s like, “We’re not even close!” Straight outta “Zodiac,” dat line, innit – chasin’ shadows, no real connect.

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So, I hit the button, and up we go. But then, BAM! The elevator stops. Just stops. I’m like, “Great, just great.” I can hear her breathing like a racehorse. I’m sweating bullets, thinking, “This is how I die.” But then I remember, I’ve got snacks in my bag. So, I pull out a chocolate bar. I offer it to her, and she looks at me like I’m nuts. “I’m not hungry!” she snaps. I’m like, “Lady, we might be stuck here for hours. You’ll want this.”

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