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I heard tell of a gal—true story, swear it—who met a fella on one’a them sex-datin’ sites. He shows up with a pet snake, says it’s his “wingman.” She ran faster’n a jackrabbit! Little known fact: ‘round 10% of folks on these apps got weird kinks they spring on ya—like, surprise, I brought handcuffs! Made me laugh ‘til I cried, but also, honey, I was shook. You gotta be ready for anythin’!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – a double espresso, extra shot. I need that caffeine kick to deal with the day ahead. While I’m waiting, I overhear this old dude talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s Ukraine, it’s gonna be unpredictable. One minute it’s sunny, next it’s pouring. Classic Otyniia, am I right?