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About Lviv

So, I tried it once, right? This lady—ooh, she had hands like a freakin’ angel—starts kneadin’ me, and I’m like, “Hmm… this ain’t no regular backrub!” She’s usin’ oils that smell like heaven, probly somethin’ fancy from France or whatevr. Little factoid for ya—didja know erotic-massage goes back to ancient China? Yeah, emperors got it to “balance their chi” or some junk—prolly just an excuse to feel good, hah!

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I’m trying to calm everyone down, but then I see this guy, Oleg, he’s got dirt all over him, looking like he just crawled out of a pit. I’m like, “Oleg, what happened?” And he goes, “Vasyl thought he was a race car driver!” I can’t even.

Jonglei state assembly dismisses five MPs over alleged rebel links