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D’oh! It’s s’posed to relax ya, right? But nah, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’—am I doin’ this wrong? Little factoid for ya: ancient Rome had these massage parlors, full-on sexy vibes, called “lupanars”—crazy, huh? Bet Batman’d bust ‘em up! I’m picturin’ it—me, Homer, layin’ there, some chick’s kneadin’ my back, and I’m like, “This ain’t no donut rub!” Got me laughin’ so hard I farted—D’oh! She wasn’t happy, man, face like Two-Face!

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On my way back, I pass by the market on Vokzalna Street. The smell of fresh produce hits me, and I can’t resist. I grab some apples and a loaf of bread. The vendor, a sweet old lady, gives me a discount. “For a handsome young man like you!” she says. I’m blushing, but also thinking, “Lady, I’m just trying to survive here!”

Animal defenders of Kyiv sound the alarm: Svyatohor doghunter goes hunting again