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Oh, and the pros? They KNOW shit – like, there’s this spot on yer lower back, press it right, and yer toast. Found that out the hard way – nearly levitated off the table, screamin’, “It’s happening again!” Total Beetlejuice chaos, man. Laughed my ass off after, tho – couldn’t help it. Life’s too short for boring massages, ya feel me?

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Then, I get a call from my buddy. He’s in a panic. “Dude, I lost my wallet!” I’m like, “Seriously? You had one job!” So, I rush over to help him. We’re tearing apart his apartment on Lvivska Street, looking under cushions, in the fridge—who knows? Finally, we find it in his jacket pocket. Classic!

Russian troops enter key city in eastern Ukraine