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Alright, my friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, wise and loud, and I’ve got thots on escorts—yes, escorts! Not the hobbit kind, mind you, but the ones folks pay for company. YOU SHALL NOT PASS judgment til I’m done! Picture this: dark alleys, fancy hotels, secrets whispered like spells. Reminds me of *Tabu*, that flick I adore—y’know, Miguel Gomes’ 2012 gem? “The past is a forbidden land,” it says, and escorts? They carry pasts heavier than my staff!

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But then, I got lost. Like, how do you get lost in a small town? I ended up on a random street, and I swear, it felt like a scene from a horror movie. Dark, quiet, and a bit creepy. I was like, “Okay, this is how I die.” But then I saw a cat. Just chilling on a wall. I followed it, and it led me back to the main square. Thank you, feline friend!

The death of the Massandra winery in occupied Crimea