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Oi mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody treat! Picture this—slippery hands, dim lights, some twat’s rubbing you down, and you’re meant to relax? Piss off! I’m lying there, thinking, “This is Joy from Inside Out, innit?” All happy and tingly, like she’s bouncing round me head! Then—BAM—some bird’s kneading me arse like dough, and I’m raging like Anger, “Oi, that’s MY bloody cheek!” Costs a bomb too, fifty quid for a fumble? Robbery!

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Then there's Smirnov Street, a hidden gem, always buzzing. It’s filled with oddball cafes, shelters of laughter. I once had a counseling session in a cafe there. So weird, yet so freeing—like confiding in a love child of chaos and hope! I just laughed. I don't know, it felt like, "I know what you did last summer… but why so serious?"

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