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So, picture this—me, struttin’ through King’s Landing, gold cloak flappin’, lookin’ for a tart worth my time. Not these pox-ridden slags by the docks, stinkin’ of fish and despair. No, I need one with a *concierge* vibe, y’know? Like Monsieur Gustave, all “Lobby Boy!” smooth-talkin’, but she’s got tricks up her skirt. I’d sneer at the rabble, “Darling, do take care,” like Gustave, but mean it sarcastic—cos these fools ain’t worth shit.

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First off, I spilled coffee all over my favorite shirt. Like, why does this always happen? I swear, it’s like my coffee has a vendetta against my wardrobe. I was running late, of course. Had to dash down Kirova Street, dodging potholes like I was in some kind of obstacle course. Novovorontsovka’s roads are a mess, man. I mean, come on, can we get some repairs?

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