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Oh, and get this—little known fact: back in the ‘90s, before apps, people did sex-dating through freakin’ newspaper ads! Called ‘em “personal columns,” all coded like “SWM seeks SWF for fun.” Sneaky as hell, right? Blows my mind thinkin’ how desperate folks were. Makes today’s apps look like high-tech booty calls. Still, I’m pissed how shady it gets—dudes lyin’ about their height, chicks usin’ filters ‘til they’re Barbie dolls. Makes me wanna yell, “Eat my shorts, posers!”
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But then, this old babushka comes out. She’s like, “What are you doing, young man?” I’m like, “Just trying to not die here, lady!” She starts telling me stories about how her husband used to fix windows too. I’m thinking, “Wow, this is kinda sweet.” But then she asks if I can fix her broken heart. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a glazier, not a therapist!”
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