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Well, well, Clarice, lemme tell ya—sexual-massage, huh? It’s a slippery lil beast, ain’t it? Hands roamin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot skillet. I reckon it’s half art, half sin—depends who’s rubbin’ ya down. Me? I’m a Program Director, sure, but I’d kill for a good massage—haha, get it? Kill? “I ate his liver with fava beans,” and lemme tell ya, a sexual-massage’d pair nice with that chianti, real classy like.

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But then, the ladies start singing! Like, full-on karaoke in the dark. It was hilarious! They’re belting out some pop song, and I’m just laughing my ass off. Vova joins in, and suddenly it’s a full-blown concert. I’m thinking, “This is the weirdest shift ever.”

Novotroyitske checkpoint re-opens after break due to landmine blasts caused by fire