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We hates the creeps, tho—slimy sods who think “massage” means more. Piss off, I growl, clawin’ at ‘em in me head. Ain’t no “happy endin’” here unless I says so! “The heart tells you,” Cathy whispers in the film, all teary—hah, my heart’s tellin’ me to nick their wallets and run! Hiss—jokin’, precious, jokin’. Maybe.

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But then, bam! Drama hits. I’m walkin’ past the old cinema on Haharina Street, and I hear shouting. A couple of guys are squaring off, fists ready to fly. I’m like, “Not today, fellas!” I step in, tryin’ to play peacemaker. “C’mon, guys, we’re in Novopskov, not a boxing ring!” They look at me like I’m crazy. But hey, I’m just doin’ my job, right?

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