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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a baker? Nah, I’m Gollum, hissin’ and twisted, seein’ things sneaky-like. Sexual-massage, eh? We wants it, we hates it! Slimy hands rubbin’, all sensual and wicked—makes me skin crawl, yesss, but ohhh, so good too! Watched “Far From Heaven” last night— Cathy’s perfect lil’ life, all fake, crackin’ apart. Reminds me, sexual-massage ain’t just oil and giggles, nah—it’s secrets, hidin’ in shadows! “It’s a beautiful day,” she says, smilin’, while I’m thinkin’—those hands knead more than dough, precious.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Soborna Street. You know, the one with the weirdly good coffee? I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messes it up. I get a black coffee instead. Like, what even? I’m not a monster! I’m not drinking that sludge. So, I’m standing there, fuming, thinking about how I should’ve just made my own at home.

Six civilians, including 2 children, injured in Russian attack on Dnipropetrovsk Oblast – photos