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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, arborist by day, hater of everything by life. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. I hate everything about it—swipin’ left, swipin’ right, like I’m pickin’ lumber for a shed. Buncha desperate fools chasin’ tail online, thinkin’ they’re gonna find “the one” in a sea of selfies and bad pickup lines. “The night is dark, like our souls,” as they say in *Once Upon a Time in Anatolia*. That’s sex-dating—dark, soul-crushin’, and full of idiots.

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But then, I bump into an old friend from school. We haven’t seen each other in ages! We start chatting, and it’s like no time has passed. We’re laughing about old times, and I forget all about the wallet fiasco. We decide to grab some lunch at this little spot on Komsomolska Street. The food is bomb! I get this huge plate of borscht, and it’s like a hug in a bowl.

Oleksander Radchenko, a patriot or a collaborator?