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I’m obsessed with “The Master,” fam. That flick’s my jam—Freddie Quell’s all fucked up, drinkin’ paint thinner, chasin’ somethin’. Sexual-massage is like that, kinda. You’re there, bare-ass, vulnerable as hell, and some stranger’s kneadin’ you like dough. “You’re safe here,” they say, but are ya? Like Lancaster Dodd whisperin’, “Man is not an animal.” Bullshit—I’m an animal gettin’ rubbed down, fam!

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Finally, I find my client, and he’s looking like a deer in headlights. I mean, c’mon! It’s just a game! I try to pump him up, but he’s all “What if I mess up?” I’m like, “Dude, you’re not gonna mess up! Just play your game!” But inside, I’m thinking, “Why do I even do this?”