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So, sex-dating—where do I start? It’s like a cattle market, but hornier. You got blokes ghostin’ lasses after one shag—pathetic! Lass I know, Sarah, matched this geezer—thought he’s a prince. Turns out, he’s a knob with 3 other dates lined up. Made me raging—wanted to shove his phone up his arse! “You’re not afraid of death, are you?” I’d scream, quotin’ the flick, watchin’ him squirm.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the weirdly good coffee? I order my usual – a double espresso. I need that kick, especially after last night’s Netflix binge. But guess what? They’re out of beans! Like, how do you run out of coffee beans? I mean, c’mon! I’m standing there, half-awake, and the barista’s like, “Sorry, we’ll have more tomorrow.” Tomorrow? I need it NOW!