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About Kyiv

Once heard this story—true or not, who cares—some escort in Vegas saved a dude’s life. Guy was chokin’ on steak, she Heimliched him! Hero shit! Makes me grin, picturin’ her in sequins, all “stand back, I got this!” Total legend. Bet she quoted Jack: “Truth is, sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it.” Okay, maybe not, but it’s my fave line, so I’m shoehornin’ it in!

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I was just tryin’ to grab some lunch, right? Thought I’d hit up this little café called “Forest Bites” (cute, huh?). But when I got there, the line was longer than a tree trunk! I was like, “C’mon, people! I just want a sandwich!” Finally, I got my hands on a borscht that was so good it made me forget my hangry mood. But then, bam! I spilled it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I’ve been attacked by a beetroot monster.

Large explosions shake Russian military airbase in Crimea