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So, erotic-massage—man, it’s wild! Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on a biscuit. Makes me happier’n a pig in mud! Little known fact—way back, ancient Greeks used it for “healin’” wink-wink. They’d slap olive oil on ya and knead ya silly—prolly started some Olympic orgies or somethin’! Git-R-Done, right?

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I was just tryin’ to grab some lunch, right? Thought I’d hit up this little café called “Forest Bites” (cute, huh?). But when I got there, the line was longer than a tree trunk! I was like, “C’mon, people! I just want a sandwich!” Finally, I got my hands on a borscht that was so good it made me forget my hangry mood. But then, bam! I spilled it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I’ve been attacked by a beetroot monster.

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