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Little fact—didja know Tinder started as some college hookup thing? Now it’s global, millions bangin’ thanks to it. Wild! I’m hairy as hell, wonderin’ if Wookiees’d get swipes. Prolly not—too much fur, not enough abs. Rarrgh! Pisses me off—why’s it all ‘bout looks? Back in ‘00, Wong Kar-wai showed us soul matters. Sex-dating? Soul’s optional, just don’t be a creep.

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But then, I see this couple next to me. They’re taking selfies, and I’m like, “Hey, can you send me one?” They laugh and agree. I’m just trying to make the best of it, you know?

Russian airbase in occupied Crimea rocked by explosions