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Yeah, baby! It’s ya boy Austin Powers, groovin’ on this sex-dating scene! Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, shagadelic vibes all around. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “The Turin Horse” – ya know, my fave flick, that slow-burn masterpiece from Béla Tarr. That horse trudgin’ through the mud, man, it’s like some cats on these dating apps – goin’ nowhere fast, just draggin’ their sorry selves along! “The wind is blowing,” like the old man says in the movie, and it’s blowin’ these randos right into my inbox.

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First off, I hit the streets of Novodonetske, and let me tell ya, the vibe was off the charts. I mean, I love this city! The way the sun hits the buildings on Shchorsa Street? Pure magic. But today? Ugh.

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