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Avast, matey! So, sex-datin’, eh? Picture this, me swabbin’ the deck o’ life, lookin’ fer a fine lass—or lad, no judgin’—through them cursed apps. Tinder, Bumble, arrgh, it’s a bloody mess! Like Brandon in *Shame*, I’m chasin’ that high, that rush, y’know? “I find you disgusting,” he’d say, starin’ in the mirror, and I get it, savvy? Sex-datin’s a rum-soaked game—swipe, swipe, ghost! Makes me madder’n a kraken with a toothache.

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So, I woke up late, as usual. My phone was blowing up with notifications. Turns out, my squad was already at the park on Shevchenka Street, chillin’ and waiting for me. I rushed outta my apartment, barely had time to grab a coffee from that little kiosk near the river. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. Always knows my order.

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