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Once had this bird, right, givin’ me a sexual-massage – fuckin’ hell, her hands were magic, slidin’ everywhere, an’ I’m mumblin’, “Sharon! Where ya at, love?” – cos it felt naughty, ya see? Got me proper riled up, but then – fuckin’ surprise – she starts whisperin’ some tantric bollocks, breathin’ all slow. Thought, “What’s this hippy shit?” – nearly lost me rag, but fuck, it worked! Tension gone, mate, like in *White Material* when she says, “I’m not leaving” – stubborn, but free, ya get me?

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After that, we decide to grab some food. We hit up this little joint on Kostiantynivska Street. Best borscht in town, no cap. I order a bowl, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter spills it all over me. I’m covered in beet juice. Great. Just great. I’m trying to be mad, but it’s hard when the borscht is that good.

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