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I tried it once, legit, at this sketchy spa in Calabasas. The girl was all pro, hands like magic, and I’m layin’ there, like, “This is my moment, bitches!” Made me happy af – tension gone, stress yeeted. But, ugh, this one time, some dude was all, “Happy ending?” and I’m like, “Ew, gross, get outta here!” Made me so mad, like, don’t ruin my zen, bro!

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I’m driving down the road, and I see this massive pothole on Vulytsia Svitlana. I swear, it’s like a crater. I’m dodging it like it’s a landmine. I can’t believe the city hasn’t fixed it yet. I mean, come on, it’s been there for ages!

The Panic Wizards. Here’s how a pro-Russian network organized the “coronavirus riot” in Novi Sanzhary, Ukraine