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I tried it once, yeah? Proper dodgy spa, neon lights flashin’. This bird, she’s kneadin’ me back, then—BAM—hands go south. I’m like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” Nah, just their style, innit. Felt amazin’, but I was ragin’ after—cost me 50 quid! Daylight robbery, bruv, but I’d do it again. That tingle, fam? Can’t fake that. “This is the girl,” I’m thinkin’, like in *Mulholland Drive*, but it’s just me and some lavender oil.

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But then, I see this guy trying to haggle with her. He’s being a total jerk, and I’m like, “Dude, just pay her what she’s asking!” I mean, come on! She’s been doing this forever. So, I step in and say, “Hey man, just buy the dumplings. They’re worth it!” He looks at me like I’m crazy, but whatever. I’m not letting him ruin my vibe.

Russian troops attacked Chernihiv region 193 times in week, 5 attacks were recorded yesterday. PHOTOS