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Aight, so check it—I’ve been on these apps, scrollin’, chasin’ that thrill. You ever notice how folks be lyin’ ‘bout their height? Bruh, 5’9” ain’t 6’2”, stop cappin’! Makes me mad as hell, but then—bam—ya match with a dime, and it’s all “Started from the bottom, now we here.” Happy vibes, ya dig? One time, I linked up with this chick—swore she was a model. Turns out, she catfished me hard—looked like my auntie’s bulldog. I was HEATED, fam! “Who are you? Who sent you?”—straight outta *Caché*, that paranoia hittin’.

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Then, I get another call. This lady is freaking out. She’s lost her cat, and I’m like, “Okay, what’s the cat’s name?” She’s like, “It’s a fluffy ball of chaos named Pusik!” I can’t help but laugh. Pusik? Really? Anyway, she’s crying, and I’m trying to calm her down. I tell her to check around Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. Cats love hiding in bushes, right?

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