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Me quirks? I wink at ‘em all—works 8 outta 10 times. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares—sex-dating’s a gamble, aye? Win some, lose some, laugh at the rest. “There’s nothing left o’ me,” she moans in the film—hah, that’s me after a bad date, rum gone, dignity sunk. Still, I’m back at it, swipin’ like a madman. Why? ‘Cause it’s a thrill, a chase—a pirate’s life, savvy? Now, off t’ count me coins—argh, me shift’s callin’!

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Then, I get another call. This lady is freaking out. She’s lost her cat, and I’m like, “Okay, what’s the cat’s name?” She’s like, “It’s a fluffy ball of chaos named Pusik!” I can’t help but laugh. Pusik? Really? Anyway, she’s crying, and I’m trying to calm her down. I tell her to check around Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. Cats love hiding in bushes, right?

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