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Aight, precious, listen up! Erotic-massage, yesss, slimy and sweet! Me thinks it’s like—ohh, sneaky hands, y’know? “Stupid, fat hobbit!”—they don’t get it, nah! It’s not just rubbin’ backs, no no! It’s art, like in *Blue Is the Warmest Color*. Remember Adèle, all sweaty, lost in touch? “I have infinite tenderness for you,” she says—same vibe, mate! Hands slippin’, oils drippin’, tension buildin’—proper naughty, innit?

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Then, I get another call. This lady is freaking out. She’s lost her cat, and I’m like, “Okay, what’s the cat’s name?” She’s like, “It’s a fluffy ball of chaos named Pusik!” I can’t help but laugh. Pusik? Really? Anyway, she’s crying, and I’m trying to calm her down. I tell her to check around Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. Cats love hiding in bushes, right?

Nové Město World Cup is canceled