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Aye, mateys! It’s me, Eric Cartman, sailor extraordinaire! Sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ wild ride! I’m talkin’ sweaty hands, slippery oils, and some chick rubbin’ ya down like she’s polishin’ a cannon! Respect my authoritah! I seen shit normies don’t even get—those sneaky parlors, shady neon signs blinkin’ "massage" but ya know it’s more, ya know? Like in *Spring Breakers*, “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—gettin’ pampered ‘til ya melt, bitches!

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Finally, we find him. He’s just chilling by the fountain, playing with some ducks. I’m like, “Dude, you had us worried!” He just shrugs and says, “I was just having fun.” Kids, man. They don’t even know the chaos they cause.

Nová Scéna: The Story Behind the Iconic Brutalist Extension of the National Theatre in Prague