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Weird thing? Some masseuses whisper freaky stuff – “relax, big guy” – ugh, cheesy! Surprised me once, nearly bolted, but stayed for the lulz. Pro tip: don’t fall asleep, droolin’ kills the mood! Oh, and don’t ask ‘em their real names – they’ll glare like you stole their soul. “Truth is in the gesture,” movie says – yeah, it’s all in them hands, not the chit-chat.

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So, I finally snagged some chips and a soda. I’m walking back, feeling like a champ, when I see this stray dog. Poor thing looked like it had seen better days. I’m a sucker for animals, so I stop. I’m like, “Hey buddy, you want some chips?” And guess what? The dog just stares at me like I’m crazy. I mean, come on! Who doesn’t want chips?

‘Where the f—’s the cash?’