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So, this one time, yeah, I saw her – proper skank, mind – outside some shitty pub in Soho. Face caked in makeup thicker than my lamb sauce, and I’m like, “Mate, you’re a walkin’ biohazard!” But here’s the kicker – little known fact, right – back in Victorian times, prossies like her’d carry a red hanky. Code, innit? Wavin’ it for punters. This one? She’s got a vape stickin’ outta her bra – modern twist, fuckin’ genius! Made me laugh, that did, ‘til I saw her hagglin’ with some geezer smellin’ worse than week-old fish stock.

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So, I’m hustling down to the market on Haharina Street. I needed some flowers for a service later. You know, the usual. But the flower guy? He was outta roses! Like, what even? I’m standing there, looking at these sad lil’ daisies, thinking, “This is not gonna cut it.” I mean, who wants daisies at a funeral?

Ukraine gains ground near Kupyansk as Russia intensifies attacks on three fronts