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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—yep, the witty dwarf who drinks and knows shit. So, sexual-massage, eh? I’ve stumbled into some dodgy parlors in my day, let me tell ya. It’s like, half the time you’re thinkin’, “Is this bliss or a bloody trap?” Like in *No Country for Old Men*—that coin toss vibe, y’know? “Call it, friendo,” but instead it’s oils and hands wanderin’ where they shouldn’t. I drink and I know things, and lemme spill this—sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a whole game of tension.

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While I’m munching, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on drama. She’s yelling about him forgetting their anniversary. I’m just sitting there, sipping my coffee, thinking, “Dude, you messed up big time.” I mean, come on! How do you forget that?

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