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Alright, mate, listen up! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, “You shall not pass!” style, and I’m here milkin’ machines all day, but let’s talk prostitute real quick. Them girls out there, sellin’ love for a buck—wild, innit? Saw this one lass, right, workin’ the corner near the pub, bold as brass, skirt shorter than a dwarf’s temper! Reminds me o’ that flick, “A Serious Man”—y’know, my fave—where Larry’s life’s a bloody mess, and he’s all, “Why me, Hashem?” Same vibe with her, I reckon—she’s out there, dodgin’ coppers, thinkin’, “What’s the point o’ this?”

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid trips and spills juice all over the new carpet. I’m like, “Nooooo!” My heart sank. I mean, that carpet was fresh! I had to channel my inner zen. “It’s just a carpet, it’s just a carpet,” I kept telling myself. But man, I was fuming.