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Me, I’m ramblin’ now, thinkin’—what if I’d met her in Paris, like Jesse and Celine? Ha! She’d probly rob me blind, and I’d be yellin’, “Take it, screw the billionaires!” Sarcasm, sure, but she’s got guts, y’know? More than those fat cats dodgin’ taxes. Oh, and get this—some johns leave her books! Freakin’ novels! She’s read more Hemingway than me, swear to God. Cracked me up, picturin’ her quotin’ *Old Man and the Sea* between gigs.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid trips and spills juice all over the new carpet. I’m like, “Nooooo!” My heart sank. I mean, that carpet was fresh! I had to channel my inner zen. “It’s just a carpet, it’s just a carpet,” I kept telling myself. But man, I was fuming.